- Natascha Turner, 47, started a marketing agency and employs her husband.
- There are benefits – the couple have been able to move to Spain as remote workers.
- But she says it’s “no walk in the park” and they’ve had to set some boundaries.
This essay is based on a conversation with Natascha Turner, 47, who runs her own marketing agency. It has been edited for length and clarity.
It’s funny how things work out – I never wanted to start my own business.
The security of a regular payment has always been the most important thing to me. I was introduced to it by my mother, who was a single parent, so financial security was always the top priority.
I was working my way up the corporate ladder in the world of marketing and advertising, and after getting a few promotions, I realized I could probably make it work for myself. So in 2016, I I founded my own marketing agency.
My husband’s career was going in the opposite direction; he had joined a startup that turned out to be on the verge of failure. Everyone he worked with was suspicious. He was chronically stressed because he wasn’t making money.
After two years of him working in the startup business, I put my foot down and said: that’s it, no more. I’m sorry you went through this and don’t get paid for your skills. You are coming to work with me. So a year ago, that’s what he did. Now I employ four people, one of whom is my husband.
Our dynamic at work is different from our usual dynamic
At work, I’m more alpha, and he’s more passive, which is a reversal of how we usually are in our relationship. We have been together for 16 years and married for 11. At the time, no one would have believed that we would have work together. We are just so different. He is calm, data driven and will go down rabbit holes. I have to put my foot down and say, “This multi-layered spreadsheet is not what the customer needs. Don’t waste time, focus on their needs.”
The hardest part is balancing my role as a leader with my role as a woman. Women don’t often talk about how hard it is lead by force without feeling like we’re losing a part of our femininity.
But it’s my job to make the big calls. He appreciates it because, he admits, it is not his strong point. If the graphic came in and it wasn’t right, he would dance around it instead of just saying: “That’s not right; you need to go back and fix it.”
It’s hard to keep work talk from coming home with us
Working with your partner no walk in the park. Sure, there’s this great idea of ”building a dream together,” but the truth is, it’s side-eye juggling spreadsheets and trying not to kill each other over emails.
These difficult decisions may hit differently after we return home. Business conversations don’t just end in the office; they follow us to the dinner table, the sofa and even the shower.
After a long day of meetings and phone calls, instead of decompressing, the same business conversation sometimes bubbles up. “Why did you veto this idea earlier?” or “You look sharp on that date – are you bored?”
Lines blur, feelings flare, and suddenly it’s not just a conversation—it’s one SOMETHING. How many times have I had to say, “Can’t we now?” or “Do you want to keep talking about this or move on?” It’s like being a referee, a therapist and a CEO all in one.
Focusing on boundaries has been helpful
In June of last year, we moved from Perth, Australia to Valencia, Spain, so we now plan time together to leave room to be a couple: holding hands, turning off and exploring this new city. Here in Valencia, they have these big public baths full of jacuzzis, so we’ll go there twice a week, and they’ve become a space where we’ve agreed not to discuss work.
It’s important to remember to be silly too – I do this by dancing to music around the house with him so things seem less serious and we laugh together.
I still get it wrong sometimes. Last week, I snapped and yelled, “You have to do it this way!” After a stressful moment like that, I make sure we sit down and discuss it and I’ll apologize for being dismissive. I think that’s also key – being self-aware enough to admit you’re wrong. He takes it. He will accept my apology and we will move on.
It’s knowing your flaws too. I am very quick to bear when it comes to deadlines; a bit controlling. This is what makes me so good at some things, but I know when I’ve tried too hard and need to back off. However, it took a lot of work on myself to get to this point.
I see things getting better and better now that we have systems and processes in place as a couple, not just as colleagues. He has taught us the art of bordersthe value of turning off and the importance of saying, “No more business talk tonight, okay?”